I Didn’t Know He Was an Evil Genius
First of all, my husband is not plotting to take over the world, he’s a very nice guy, really. 15 years flew by, and here we are, by the way, we’ve known each other for 15 1/2 years. I’m not advocating meeting someone and marrying them before your 6-month anniversary, but it’s working for us. And I didn’t know of his evil genius until recently.
At Christmas, I received a small bonus from work and wondered what to do with it. Mostly, I was going to use it to pay off some things and put the rest into savings. Enter evil genius. He knew I had my eye on the 96-pack of Tombow Markers, but at $150 (US) (I think it’s gone down a little since then), it seemed frivolous. Upon calculating the cost of buying individual sets of markers, I concluded it was nearly double to buy the sets of 10-12 dual-tipped beauties, and in that case then I’d end up with duplicates (not to mention all the colors I wouldn’t have).
When the Evil Genius Surfaced
So back to my quandary, trying to be a responsible, forward-thinking adult, I was ready to squirrel my funds away preparing for a downpour in life. Evil genius pipes up and suggests that instead of getting individual packs of markers as a prize for meeting weight-loss goals, I should get the 96-count with my bonus. After all, it would save money in the long run. The genius was right. I couldn’t see a flaw in his plan until he added: “you get markers for meeting milestones, but if you regress, you have to give them back.”
For a brief moment, I stopped and questioned myself. Was I ambitious enough to see this through and keep off the weight I so desperately wanted to get rid of? I thought I was, especially with such a gilded carrot dangling in front of my face.
Smitten with the idea that I could have, in my possession two days from that moment, all 96 Dual-Brush Tombow Markers complete with the stand, I thought the idea was pure genius. I didn’t see the evil in it, or if I did, I didn’t realize how evil it was.
Fast Forward
Fast forward six months. The box from Amazon sits unopened by my desk. I look at it Every. Single. Day. I’ve lost about 5lbs, and 10 is the first milestone to earn a set of prizes. In all honesty, I haven’t put forth much effort. Before you rush to judge, stop and think for a moment: is there anything in your life you’ve hesitated to do? You thought you wanted the result, but never took steps to accomplish it?
Why I’m Scared
Giving back the markers if I regress is a scary thought. Who wants to give up something they’ve earned? I know he would be supportive and he wouldn’t have to take them from me. It wouldn’t cause an issue in our relationship because I would give them back without him asking. That’s just my nature. He only suggested it because he thought it would motivate me and knew I would self-monitor and it would keep me from making poor choices once I gained momentum.
Giving back the markers isn’t the reason why I’m scared. The reason why I am scared is that I don’t want that to be the only thing in my life that people bring up while talking. I want them to strike up a conversation because they know I love journaling, they know I love art, they see a passion in my eyes for things of beauty in this life. I don’t want losing weight to become my only identity to everyone else.
In fact, this post nearing completion scared me off from blogging for the past month. I can’t let fear keep me from something I love. It’s not going to happen.
Differences
I am all for banding together with those who want and need the motivation to do something significant in their life, whether it’s losing weight or moving to a foreign country, starting a project, or whatever needs encouragement in their life. For me, I don’t want it to be the only topic of conversation.
So I am working right now on getting rid of that fear. If people don’t truly know me, then how can I expect them to discuss anything besides what they can see? Like everything else in my life, I’ve worked to overcome, not caring what others think is the hardest part. I’m going to take my own advice. Don’t worry what other people think. It matters only how you feel about yourself.
Knowing that I’ve worked to become something more inside than the total of my outside regardless of my weight or body composition, is something to take pride in.
What fears have kept you from making a significant change in your life? How did you overcome those fears?
~Tricia
Want your own pack of 96 Tombow Markers? You don’t have to be scared of my husband if you get them. I promise.
![This month’s creative challenge is all about flower names! Use these everyday floral names to expand your creativity throughout this month. Check out the challenge list below, and if you’re having trouble with creative ideas, keep reading. I have lots of ideas to share. Handlettering these words is fun if that’s what you always do. […] The post Creative Challenge: Flower Names appeared first on Chocolate Musings.](https://i0.wp.com/i.pinimg.com/564x/12/65/81/1265815e2ef10a0fd4505524fb3f0eeb.jpg?ssl=1)
Yes, yes yes!! I am so glad to see this post! I think about you every time I see that 96 pack! My husband went on eBay and bought me about ten packs of markers and claims that it was cheaper than buying the whole set. I totally get not getting on the goals that you’ve set. Getting to my goal weight has been on my to do list for as long as I can remember, and it’s even on this year’s resolution list! I haven’t not giving it the time or effort that it deserves.
I’m so glad you wrote this though, it’s such an awesome first step to start that accountability. I know, for me, whenever I’m writing about weight loss, talking about it, posting about it, I stay motivated. When I keep it to myself and don’t celebrate it, I slip back. I would love to see what you create with each prize!
Ani Kay recently posted…When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Gilmore – My Gilmore Girls Obsession
Oooooh what a good idea! And thank you for your comments! I went through all the packs when I wanted to get packs for each milestone. That’s when I figured out, you don’t get all the colors available! And why I put together the freebie. I definitely posted this for accountability but it’s so freeing too.
Love this! I do with with physical fitness, I hate maintaining new progress.
It’s very hard to maintain progress! The motivation and time seem to catch up with me all the time. Thank you for your comments!
Boy, can I relate… I’m struggling lately with the fact that I’ve lost a lot of weight recently – 17 kg in the last year or so (37 lbs? Wow, it really sounds insane in imperial). And now it’s gotten to the point that it’s really noticeable, so it’s the first thing people mention when they see me. I hate that. My weight is none of anyone’s business, and my body is just fine no matter what size it is. Nobody has a right to concern themselves with my ‘health,’ either – it’s just another way of saying ‘Hey, you’re fat, don’t you know you’re supposed to fix that before you’re allowed to feel happy?’
The worst was when my MIL noticed and told me, “Well done, keep up the good work!” IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE AT A PARTY, NO LESS. (I get that she was trying to be encouraging, but she is literally the biggest woman I know. Of all people, she should understand that nobody needs to be concerned with anyone else’s weight. I wanted so badly to rant about it on Insta but she follows me…). It made me want to scream. I get even angrier when people preface the question with the classic “Wow, you look great!” So apparently I didn’t before, because who could look good (or feel good) when they’re fat, right? Argh… I’ve decided that from now on the only answer anyone will get to “Hey, have you lost weight?” will be a noncommittal shrug and a vague “I dunno.”
I could rant about weight loss and body positivity all day. Bottom line: nobody has the right to ask me about it except my health care providers. If I feel like sharing that’s my choice. The rest of them (MIL included) can fuck off.
You deserve those markers now! Personally I’ve found that setting rewards for that stuff just adds pressure and makes it that much harder to reach goals, but that’s me and everyone’s different. Just be good to yourself, no matter what 🙂
Hi Kiki! I didn’t know that we had a similar journey. The hubby tried to make a deal with me for Mother’s day that I could just have them. But I told him no. I wanted to earn those crazy markers. Like you, I needed to find out who I was an be that person then I could work on some other things because I was sure that wasn’t my identity. I’m so glad we met and are friends!
This is a truly inspiring piece of writing! I have felt that too with not wanting my health to be the only thing I talk with people about. That is a really great motivator your husband thought of. I love your typography!
Thank you, Elizabeth! It’s quite terrifying to admit. I’d like to form good relationships with people so we can speak about other topics, not just the expected. My hubby is a great motivator and tried to give them to me for mother’s day instead and I wouldn’t let him. I would look at the markers in contempt every time I used them if that were the case.
Tricia recently posted…Why My Husband is an Evil Genius and Why I’m Scared (But Not of Him)