I Didn’t Know He Was an Evil Genius

First of all, my husband is not plotting to take over the world, he’s a very nice guy, really. 15 years flew by, and here we are, by the way, we’ve known each other for 15 1/2 years. I’m not advocating meeting someone and marrying them before your 6-month anniversary, but it’s working for us. And I didn’t know of his evil genius until recently.

At Christmas, I received a small bonus from work and wondered what to do with it. Mostly, I was going to use it to pay off some things and put the rest into savings. Enter evil genius. He knew I had my eye on the 96-pack of Tombow Markers, but at $150 (US) (I think it’s gone down a little since then), it seemed frivolous. Upon calculating the cost of buying individual sets of markers, I concluded it was nearly double to buy the sets of 10-12 dual-tipped beauties, and in that case then I’d end up with duplicates (not to mention all the colors I wouldn’t have).

When the Evil Genius Surfaced

So back to my quandary, trying to be a responsible, forward-thinking adult, I was ready to squirrel my funds away preparing for a downpour in life. Evil genius pipes up and suggests that instead of getting individual packs of markers as a prize for meeting weight-loss goals, I should get the 96-count with my bonus. After all, it would save money in the long run. The genius was right. I couldn’t see a flaw in his plan until he added: “you get markers for meeting milestones, but if you regress, you have to give them back.”

For a brief moment, I stopped and questioned myself. Was I ambitious enough to see this through and keep off the weight I so desperately wanted to get rid of? I thought I was, especially with such a gilded carrot dangling in front of my face.

Smitten with the idea that I could have, in my possession two days from that moment, all 96 Dual-Brush Tombow Markers complete with the stand, I thought the idea was pure genius. I didn’t see the evil in it, or if I did, I didn’t realize how evil it was.

Fast Forward

Fast forward six months. The box from Amazon sits unopened by my desk. I look at it Every. Single. Day. I’ve lost about 5lbs, and 10 is the first milestone to earn a set of prizes. In all honesty, I haven’t put forth much effort. Before you rush to judge, stop and think for a moment: is there anything in your life you’ve hesitated to do? You thought you wanted the result, but never took steps to accomplish it?

Why I’m Scared

Giving back the markers if I regress is a scary thought. Who wants to give up something they’ve earned? I know he would be supportive and he wouldn’t have to take them from me. It wouldn’t cause an issue in our relationship because I would give them back without him asking. That’s just my nature.  He only suggested it because he thought it would motivate me and knew I would self-monitor and it would keep me from making poor choices once I gained momentum.

Giving back the markers isn’t the reason why I’m scared. The reason why I am scared is that I don’t want that to be the only thing in my life that people bring up while talking. I want them to strike up a conversation because they know I love journaling, they know I love art, they see a passion in my eyes for things of beauty in this life. I don’t want losing weight to become my only identity to everyone else.

In fact, this post nearing completion scared me off from blogging for the past month. I can’t let fear keep me from something I love. It’s not going to happen.

Differences

I am all for banding together with those who want and need the motivation to do something significant in their life, whether it’s losing weight or moving to a foreign country, starting a project, or whatever needs encouragement in their life. For me, I don’t want it to be the only topic of conversation.

So I am working right now on getting rid of that fear. If people don’t truly know me, then how can I expect them to discuss anything besides what they can see? Like everything else in my life, I’ve worked to overcome, not caring what others think is the hardest part. I’m going to take my own advice. Don’t worry what other people think. It matters only how you feel about yourself.

Knowing that I’ve worked to become something more inside than the total of my outside regardless of my weight or body composition, is something to take pride in.

What fears have kept you from making a significant change in your life? How did you overcome those fears?

~Tricia

Want your own pack of 96 Tombow Markers? You don’t have to be scared of my husband if you get them. I promise.