Your Past is Not Your Future – My Tips to Move on From a Bad Experience
Your Past is Not Your Future – what does that mean? For me, it means to learn from experiences and better my life based on my reaction to those experiences. I know I can’t control the experiences in my life, but I can control how I react and how they affect me, here is my plan of action.
Have you ever had a job that you absolutely hated? Hated so profoundly that no other words to describe your feelings about the situation? It’s been 4 years since I left the worst job of my life, and it still affects me. Here’s what I’m doing to move on and get past it.
A Little About My Job from Hell:
First of all – I was on track to be fired.
I’m a hard worker, I like to do things right, and I’ve never received a negative review in my life. I enjoy succeeding and take pride in my work. (My current boss says I rank high on the “Give a Sh** Meter – meaning I care a lot about the job that I do). When I can see someone else is down, I try to bolster their spirits, and I try to be kind. I know I have flaws, too, but I genuinely try to do the job well and positively impact others.
But at the previous job, they didn’t like me, and it was apparent. In fact, during a review session, my manager and his minion told me that I was on track to get the boot.
They Said – and I Quote:
“You are smart, you are always on time, you’re responsible, you don’t make any trouble, people are drawn to you as a leader, but you are not a good fit.”
– Mike, the Manager from Hell
That was quite positively one of the most confusing conversations of my life. I worked hard to develop those qualities, but they weren’t desirable attributes for the job.
The job was inside sales, ask anyone (except for my manager), it was really just telemarketing. Cold phone calls all day, dialing, striving to find someone who would listen to our semi-scripted spiel about the services we provided. My statistics were in the dead middle of the group. I generated more ‘leads’ than some and less than others in our turnover-ridden department.
I decided at that time that they weren’t going to determine when I left. So I took my destiny back and quit before they could fire me. I had no prospects (other than a part-time job where I’d worked before), and it was one of the lowest points in my life. I wish I could tell you that I have completely moved on from it, but I haven’t, so here is what I’m going to do.
Decide
Decide whether you will let them control you or if you have control over your thoughts, your desires, your future. If you allow other people to limit what you can do, you will never break free of their chains. You have to be the one to decide what happens to you.
I received an adorable book when I was a kid called “You Are Special” the book detailed a little wooden character who got bad marks from others around him because they didn’t think he was good enough and it really affected his day-to-day life, always worrying about the fact that he tripped on a cobblestone or that he wasn’t good enough.
What’s more, he really started believing all the other people around him. Then he met someone who didn’t let any comments, positive or negative affect her. He had to decide to let other’s opinions mark him or not.
I want to be more like the character who didn’t permit any outside influence to affect her. That’s the goal – people will say what they are going to say, people will have their opinions, but it’s up to me to allow them to control my life.
Journal Prompt: What is one experience you’ve had that haunts you? Which one do you want to let go?
Find Bits of Positivity
You know, come to think of it, the job wasn’t all bad. There were (a few) good people who worked there, and I met one of my good friends there. Even though the job was absolutely horrid overall, individual days weren’t.
I find that when I focus on the positive, I have more control over my feelings and my actions. When you focus on positive, energizing things, you have more room in your life to do the things you want to do.
Negativity tends to consume everything around it, and I know it tends to suck the life out of me like a growing black hole. But if I allow positivity to radiate like a lightbulb, the negativity runs away.
Journal Prompt Idea: Make a list of all the good things (even the minute details) that came from your bad experience. Did it lead you to a new job or new love? Did it make you realize a truth about yourself? Often times a bad experience will lead us directly to a new path.
Look at the Details
If you’re having a hard time finding positive things, perhaps your vision is too broad at the moment. I know that sounds contrary to every piece of advice everyone says such as “broaden your horizons” or “look at the big picture.” But sometimes you need to zoom in and look at the details. Life isn’t as overwhelming when you focus in on the details.
When my older kids drive me crazy day in, and day out with their constant fighting (they are 8 and 10), it’s hard to see past it. But if I can focus individual moments, I’d realize that in between the squabbles they are playing with legos, together. Those two are creatively solving problems and building something collectively.
They are both strong-willed, and they don’t let someone else push them into doing something they don’t feel is right. I need to teach them to use that power to progress through life.
Write About It
I find that writing soothes my soul. Typing is one thing, but gripping a pen or pencil in my hand is an entirely different sensation. This is why I bullet journal in a physical notebook. There’s something to be said about feeling the pen glide across a sheet of paper, watching the ink flow and the words pour into words from scattered thoughts. I also know when I write things make more sense than they do in my head.
Writing lists and events, grouping items together often form a story, a theme, that I didn’t recognize before. From that comes a plan of action of what I want to do.
Stop Reliving It
Am I the only one who has ‘shower fights’ where I relive the past by winning an argument using finely crafted words that I edit over and over in my mind as I win the discussion with an imaginary person? Only me? Ok. Well, I need to stop reliving the past and move on.
Does it Line Up With YOUR Goals?
At the time of this job, I thought my world was ending. But in reality, the job didn’t line up for the goals I had for myself. So, indeed, it wasn’t a good fit. If they wanted a ‘yes woman’ and one who didn’t lead by example, well then that job was most certainly not for me.
Sidenote – later, one of my friends who still worked there told me that the manager regretted letting me walk out because there was another job in the department ideally suited for me. I can’t tell you how much joy that brought me.
Set Your Goals
I know when I’m wandering aimlessly without a goal in mind, I’m more susceptible to outside influences. For instance, I liked the money that I was earning from that terrible job, but in all honesty, the money wasn’t worth me trading my soul and happiness. But I didn’t have a goal to point me in the right direction. A goal will guide you home and will help you refocus and realize when to change a situation. Goals provide a course to follow.
Create a Life List
I’m not talking about a bucket list of actions to do or sights to see throughout your life. I’m talking about a list of things you will do or not do in your life. Think of your life list as the governing set of rules for your life. For instance, I will not work in a place where I am a mindless drone. I will stand up for others for good. I will keep my family at the highest priority.
If you find that your current situation in life directly conflicts with your life list, then you need to consider changing what you’re doing.
Move On – Your Past is not Your Future
Above all, your past is not your future. The past is the past, and it’s not your future, so stop acting like it is. Decide what you want to do, set your goals, create your life so it focuses on your goal. Don’t let anyone (including your past) stop you.
