I Took My Destiny Back

I woke up last night from a nightmare. I could feel my fear in my dreams. And I could feel the disappointment in myself.

I dreamed I was back at my old job, being told that I wasn’t good enough. That no matter how hard I tried, I was ‘not a good fit’, and I would not be able to meet their goals.

I quit that job 6 months ago. I didn’t have anywhere else lined up to work except a part-time job. Quitting was probably the best thing for me. I say probably because who knows what other course I would have taken if I’d stayed.

Here’s for certain: I would have gotten fired.

They didn’t like me. My boss and his supervisor didn’t like me and it was obvious. They pulled me into a meeting and told me that I was on track for getting the boot. Before this, my boss said these words to me:

“You are smart, you are always on time, you’re responsible, you don’t make any trouble, people are drawn to you as a leader, but you are not a good fit.”

Those words didn’t make sense to me. It was one of the most confusing conversations of my life. Those were all good qualities, qualities I had worked hard and over many years to develop, and yet they were not desired attributes for the job.

The job was sales. Inside sales. Ask anyone {except my manager} it was really just telemarketing, we were on the phones all day, everyday dialing, striving to find someone who would listen to our semi-scripted spiel about the services we provided. And apparently I wasn’t good enough for the job. As far as my statistics went, wasn’t ranked the lowest nor the highest. My ranking was dead in the middle. I generated more ‘leads’ than some and less than some in our turn-over ridden department.

There are still people who ranked lower than me in their ‘metrics’ that haven’t been singled out. They still work there.

They don't control me... so I took my destiny backI took my destiny back into my own hands and quit before they could fire me. They didn’t control me, they didn’t control my emotional state. But for the last 6 months, I let them control me and my emotional state.

So here I am, 6 months later, and what have I gone on to prove? Nothing. I haven’t found a way to be OK with it.

But I know I will, because I took my destiny into my own hands. My past is not my future, and I am the one to decide that.

My Past is Not My Future

 

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